I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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