I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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