Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize