Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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