oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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