I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize