My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize