is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
two words: eviction party
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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