: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize