Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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