I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize