As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
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Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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