Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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