Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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