I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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