She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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