awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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