Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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