Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
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We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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