The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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