That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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