she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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