I CAN MOONWALK!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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