I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He better not be in your backpack
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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