Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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