I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize