My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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