Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize