I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize