I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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