he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize