All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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