I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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