So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just want to make out with him forever
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize