Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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