The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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