i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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