I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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