And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
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My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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