You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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