We named our party play list daddy issues
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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