I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
pray to the hookup gods
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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