I am puke
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize