its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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