dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize