I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize