After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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