I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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