I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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