Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize